My Crazy Creative Life: A Journey To Discovering My Authentic Voice
This is a really difficult blog post for me to write and one that I have avoided for quite some time. Not because there is a huge tragedy in my life, quite the contrary, I am very blessed for the life I am building and living. This post is a struggle because it’s going to require me to be fully open and transparent about areas of my life that I rarely share.
For the last four years I have been a full time business owner. I lost my corporate job in 2011 to a downed economy and at that time I was a mom of a 5 year old little boy. I took a huge leap of faith to enter the world of full time business ownership. Four months after that decision I found out I was pregnant and expecting our second child which completely threw a wrench in my business plans and vision.
I am the type of person that when I put my mind to something there is not much hope of talking me out of it. I go hard and fast making my own rules. I like to be respected and looked up to, I want to be that person who is setting a good example for others, someone who is inspiring the world to go for their dreams. I am a perfectionist to a fault. I don’t like to compromise. I want things the way I want them. Period.
The last three years have been a huge challenge for me. Trying to balance being a mom with a newborn and now very active, strong spirited toddler at home full time, being a wife to a great husband while trying to keep up with a house and running a full time business. While I strive to blend those areas of my life I find that most days everything is clashing together into one big huge mess. Mommy distractions happen right in the middle of a creative breakthrough moment or I have an incredible day of being fully engulfed in my work only to look around at a house that looks like it barely survived a major storm. My husband walks in from work with the dreaded “what did you do all day” look.
On the outside I have always wanted people to see me as a shining example of someone who has it all together. A mom and business owner who is able to manage her life well and beautifully juggle all that life demands when in reality behind the scenes I am drowning in a sea of chaos. I was always afraid to openly share these struggles, walking in fear that clients would not want to work with me if my life was chaotic and unpredictable.
At the beginning of 2015 I took a hard long look at my life and business, which meant I had to get very real with myself. Something had to give or I was going to lose my mind. It was not an easy process but through a lot of tears and prayers, I made myself some promises: I would start accepting that its not the end of the world to have a crazy day that doesn’t go my way, I would be 100% authentic, I would not live in fear to be me and not live a façade of what I thought other people wanted to see.
I could dedicate an entire blog post about people pleasing and I probably will at some point but what I want to highlight here is it is a very dangerous place to exist. It drowns out our inner voice and that is the path I was walking for a long time. Afraid that my imperfections would drive people away from wanting to work with me or they would be uninspired to pursue their own dreams.
My soul searching gained me some much needed clarity and perspective. I am a mom first, being there for my children and accepting the days that don’t go according to plan. Not beating myself up for it and fully believing in myself and my abilities. I am good at what I do and serve my clients well. My crazy life does not diminish my skills as a business woman. Not comparing myself to others which only steals my own joy and chances for prosperity. How can I possibly serve others if I am struggling internally.
I am grateful for the opportunity to do what I love, to serve my family as a mom and serve my business clients with my expertise and creativity. I know that God has laid out this journey just for me and I am grateful for His grace on the days that I don’t get a shower, the laundry is piled up, I forget to lay out something for dinner, I did not accomplish a business goal and I feel like its all falling apart.
My life is crazy, creative, beautiful, fulfilling, overwhelming, rewarding and at the end of the day I would not change it for the world. I now fully embrace how my authenticity can inspire other women and moms who are struggling to juggle their life while pursuing their dreams. My mantra for 2015 is “progress not perfection” and it has kept my focus on the important stuff, kept my perspective in check. When I hear my kids playing in the other room, their laughter filling the house and my soul I realize that my life is pretty darn close to perfect, when I focus on what truly matters. For everything else there is always wine.
April Williams is the #CreativeMomista and Soulpreneur of 2 boys + whimsical wavemaker + creative expressive + Texas country girl + branding junkie who loves green mint tea + horses + fuzzy socks + surrounding herself with high achieving amazing women + peppermint anything + the color red + cozy coffee shops. She is a branding strategist for creative women entrepreneurs and founder of Creative Brandista™ .
Imagine. Create. Inspire.